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to journal or not to journal……
Posted: Jun 22, 2010 in Uncategorized | No Comments |


Yesterday I was going through some of the books in my office when I came across a journal of mine that is about 10 years old.  It was given to me before I started working for Master’s Commission in Fort Myers back in the fall of 2001.  A couple things stood out to me as I thumbed through some of my entries.  First of all, my handwriting is absolutely abysmal.  If you compare my handwriting now to what it looked like when I was six, there would be no difference other than my 6 year old writing may have been a tad more legible.  The second thing that stood out to me was how real and honest I was.  I found myself blushing at some of the things that I wrote.  I guess I felt that if I was going to journal, I wanted it to be real.  There were several times yesterday that I literally laughed out loud at some of the things that I experienced that at the time I felt like were life and death situations.  I read about some victories and defeats.  I read about times I liked life and times when I didn’t.  I read about serious times and funny times.  There were things that I had completely forgotten about that came racing back into my memory banks.  What a refreshing time! 

I think what stood out to me most as I read through my journal from 10 years ago was realizing how far I have come in my walk with Christ.  At 21, I had been saved for several years but had still not grown into a mature follower of Christ.  I found myself questioning a lot of things about life, about myself and even about God.  That year was a real desert time for me.  I am so glad that I didn’t quit.  I’m glad that I didn’t give in to the feelings of loneliness, bitterness and anger that I felt inside.  I didn’t really have any outward reason to feel those things.  I had a good life.  On the outside I was put together but on the inside I clearly wasn’t.  God had allowed me to go through a dry season in my life so that I could find Him in the center of my storm.  I am reminded of a quote that says, “Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of a desert.  And sometimes in the middle of a desert, you find yourself.” 

I found myself in the middle of a desert about 10 years ago.  God proved to me that He is faithful.  God has given me an incredible life.  I have a great wife, a beautiful daughter, a fulfilling job, and amazing friends.  I am so glad that I didn’t throw in the towel when I had the chance to.  To be honest with you, I haven’t been that great of a “journaler” over the past several years.  After reading through yesterday’s journal however, I think that may change.  I was so encouraged to see that God is still in the business of changing people.  I know because He changed me.  Trust me, if God can take an empty, self conscious, hurting and scared 21 year old kid and use him for His ultimate purpose, he can do the same with you. 

Pick up a notebook today.  Allow yourself to be authentic and real with who you really are.  Not who everyone thinks you are.  Who you really are.  Write down your fears and worries.  Write down your victories and defeats.  Write down your honest thoughts about God.  Did you know that God doesn’t mind it when we question Him?  Read the Psalms.  But at the end of the day, in spite of my questions, He is still God and is worthy of every ounce of passion and energy that I have.  I guarantee that if you can learn the spiritual discipline of journaling, you will find  yourself looking back at old entries thanking God that He is still in the business of changing people’s lives.  He changed mine and I am certain He can change yours. 

With Expectancy!



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